W.A.I.T.

When I get nervous, sometimes I talk too much. Sometimes I give people too much information about my life. Sometimes I give people too much information about somebody else's life (that's called "gossip:" not okay). Sometimes I interrupt with advice or wisdom that is neither asked for nor appreciated.

And, most importantly, when I am talking, I am not listening. Do you know the five love languages? If not, let me know and we can learn about them together. I know that my most comfortable one is "deep listening." I really thrive when I have people around me to whom I can show love through deep listening. This is probably why I am a family therapist, because listening is my job. And I love my job.

So, I just got buttons made for me and all the family therapists at Stillwater Family Therapy. The button says, simply, W.A.I.T.

Nice, hunh?

Why Am I Talking? Just a reminder that, before I am impeccable with my words (yeah, that's the first of the four agreements...), I can ask myself if it's really important to say NOW. For a therapist, that question is essential, otherwise we are not helping our clients create their own answers to life's challenging questions.

And, although I didn't make this button, there's also W.A.I.S.T.: Why Am I Still Talking????

Creativity: great for the aging brain

Check out this video that demonstrates how staying creative, and exercising both sides of your brain, can prolong your life -- and make it more fun, too. Oh, to be eighty!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtNI3Rrqb_0

Sight reading a new piece of music is an important and complex skill for musicians. When sight reading, musicians aren’t reading the notes their fingers are currently playing, they are looking ahead to read the notes that are coming next. And they are predicting what may be coming next. Working memory is the ability to keep relevant pieces of information active in your mind. Pianists use working memory when they read music.

Importantly, music like language has a grammar which consists of rules that specify which notes are likely to follow other notes in a piece of music.

Conversationalists and working memory

Conversationalists are doing the same thing. When we converse our interaction is ruled-based, and we tend to follow the other person meaningfully. We use this well practiced capacity which we have gained over decades to predict the direction and thread of the conversation. Like musicians we use our working memory in conversation to keep relevant pieces of information active in our mind when we converse with our friends or neighbours.

All of this is good news for the brain, which seems to benefit from regular exercise. And it isn't too early to try something new.

Former Stillwater Therapist Doing Well by Doing Good

Here is a note from Chris Regan, who left Stillwater recently to join the Salvation Army clinical staff:

As for my new position...I love it.
Helping veterans who have had very hard times. The program I am at is
called The Salvation Army Haven. It is a dual diagnosis treatment
program for homeless vets. Along with the substance abuse there is
PTSD (combat and non-combat related), schizophrenia, bi-polar d/o, MDD
and all the variations of anxiety you can think of. Our goal as
clinicians/case managers is to see that they are provided food,
clothing and shelter, treat the SA and other chronic mental health,
heavy emphasis on medication management and building of social skills.
They are given extensive Return to Work counseling and resources. We
also work with the VA to get them some type of long term housing. We
use a 12 step approach with the SA. It is an abstinence only program.
We can treat up to 94 men at a time. At present my case load is 24
men. It is a privilege to have this opportunity to be of maximum
service.
God bless you and thank you.
Chris

Alzheimer's: New Findings

New Research shows that low levels of folate (a B vitamin) are associated with cognitive deficits, and patients treated with folic acid for 60 days showed significant improvement in not just their memory, but their attention.
Alzheimer’s, dementia, and other diseases that impair cognitive function have been getting more and more attention as our baby boomer generation reaches old age.

According to a national poll conducted by Research!America and PARADE magazine, declining health was the number one concern of Americans about getting older.


Today, it’s estimated that a third of adults will experience a gradual decline in their cognitive abilities, characterized by slower thinking, reduced ability to learn, and impairment in memory.


New research has begun to uncover possible reasons for these impairments and has identified some ways to combat them.


The Importance of Vitamin B to an Aging Mind

For many years, doctors and medical professionals maintained that vitamin B deficiencies are rare because of the wide array of foods that these vitamins can be found in. B vitamins are naturally found in animal foods, and many cereals and grains are fortified with them.

However, a large scale study published in 2008 may have opened some eyes. The study conducted by researchers at Tufts University found that vitamin B6 deficiency is more common than thought, even when participants reported consuming more than the Recommended Daily Allowance of B6.


Simply put, the typical American diet does not provide enough of the essential nutrients needed to maintain good health, and most people have poor digestive systems so that even when they do eat healthy, they are unable to efficiently absorb these vital nutrients.


The older you get, the worse it becomes.

Many aging adults will tell you that they eat less and have lost their appetite for food. There are a number of reasons for this, but it’s often because their digestion is worse than it was in their youth.
Yet, your requirements for certain vitamins, like B6, actually rise as you get older. So while you age, you become more and more vitamin and nutrient deficient, which further hastens the aging process. It’s a vicious cycle:

The relationship between vitamin B and depression is well studied, and it’s known that these vitamins play an important role in the production of brain chemicals responsible for regulating mood. The importance of vitamin B in memory and attention has also been shown.

Is saving sexy? The frugal factor...

Saving may be making a comeback, but it still hasn’t gotten its sexy back, particularly if you’re a man. (New York Times, 22 August, 2010)

In June, ING Direct, a research company, asked 1,000 people which words would come to mind if someone was fixing them up on a blind date with someone described as frugal.
Just 3.7 percent answered “sexy,” while 15 percent picked “boring” and 27 percent chose “stingy.” And, 49% answered, "smart."

So, how best to broadcast your financial values and seek significant others who share your approach without coming off as a tightwad or a gold digger?

In the olden days, “there was this idea that men were very frugal,” said Ms. Epstein, 33, who posts copies of some of the ads she’s dug up at advertisingforlove.com. “You were going to work hard and save your money, and then by doing so, you would be able to support a wife in comfort. I do see a lot of ads saying ‘I’ve been wrapped up in business all this time and now I can support a wife comfortably.’ ”

These days, EHarmony crunched the numbers on 30 million matches it made in July and found that both men and women were 25 percent more likely to have a potential mate reach out to them if they identified themselves as a saver rather than a spender. Curiously, however, 56 percent of men in the ING Direct survey gave “smart” as their favorite answer while just 42 percent of women did. (The numbers were similarly flipped on stingy: 33 percent of women labeled the potential mate that way, while just 20 percent of men did.)

“My suspicion is that the value of frugality depends on whose money will presumably be spent,” said Reuben Strayer, 34, a physician in Manhattan who does not broadcast his profession or true income in online personals. He always pays for the first date and does not object to providing for a wife one day, he adds; he just doesn’t want to attract the kind of woman who is specifically looking for someone who will do so.
But even if many men still make more money than women and are wary of mates who would want them to spend it, they may not want to advertise it. “Frugality may or may not have anything to do with how much he loves you,” said BJ Gallagher, 61, an experienced online dater and author of several self-help books for women. “But for a lot of women, love looks like ‘Take care of me and give me things.’ ”

Men get rejected more than women in on-line dating!

Check out this information from today's Daily Breeze:

Research into online dating services shows that women are twice as likely as men to specify that they are looking for someone of their own ethnicity...hmmm.

The median age of people using on-line dating services is 42. Men sought women who were 3 years older to 11 years younger. Women sought men who were 2 years older to 5 years younger.

The median number of words in self-descriptions was 106 for men, 118 for women. The median distance considered to be geographically desireable was 28.2 miles.

And men are almost twice as likely to reply to a "wink" as women: 26.4% of men initally contacted by a woman replied vs. 15.9% of women initially contacted by a man. I guess men must get more used to rejection...And it's nice to know that almost 75% of men don't reply to an invitation! I thought it was me!

Men know how to drown...

Okay, check out this video...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_VMxDkapN0

"When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats and hand out the life jackets, men keep on their coats."

"The battlefield is man's world...cannon fodder's what they're for."

Man Question #3:How do you feel about this? Is it true? Thank your inner hero today...